By Steve Duncan
MSU Extension Service
11/21/97 Bowzman
Of all the jobs in the world, being a parent may be the most challenging. Children are often hard to understand. They seem impossible to control. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, it seems that everything we do is wrong. No one can make parenting easy. But by learning more about children and their needs, we can learn many things to make us more effective as parents.
In honor of National Family Week (Nov. 23-29), a time to celebrate and strengthen family ties, MSU Extension Family and Human Development Specialist Steve Duncan offers these tips on parenting from a new MontGuide series, "Principles of Parenting."
Good communication is so important, but it is often a trouble spot for parents and children. To build good communication, take time to talk. Ask your child about his or her day. Phrase requests in a positive way rather than just saying "don't do that"--this will invite cooperation. Use common courtesies (please, thank you) as you would with an adult. Brainstorm together for solutions to disagreements. Above all, listen.
When your children misbehave, try teaching them to respect rules rather than threatening or punishing them. Remember to be sensitive to children's needs (Ask yourself, "Why is Emily squirming around and not sitting still?" rather than merely yelling at her). You may want to work out rules together with your child, or offer creative alternatives to inappropriate behavior.
NOTE: If your child has frequent behavior problems that seem to get worse despite your best efforts, speak to a counselor before it develops into a relationship problem.
To help your children succeed in school and life, you should make learning fun and interesting. Make it a part of your everyday life. Show your children that you enjoy learning, too. Fill your house with books and magazines. Turn off the TV and read together. Talk about things that interest you. Use ordinary situations (post office, grocery store) as learning situations. Explore your family heritage. Get to know your child's teachers. Help your children become balanced, healthy people and be there for them when they experience failures.
Send messages of love in the language your children understand. Even though you may love your children dearly, they might not understand the words or actions you use to show love. Some children need lots of hugs and cuddles; others want independence and responsibility. Some children want you to play with them, while others need to hear "I love you" many times a day. Learn to interpret the way your child receives messages of love. But how will you know? Just ask!
(P.S. This works for spouses, too!) These tips are part of a new series of MSU Extension MontGuides, the Principles of Parenting. Written by Steve Duncan, MSU Extension family and human development specialist, and H. Wallace Goddard of Auburn University, the publications offer a variety of parenting tips for all ages of children and all types of families.
The series includes these free publications:
MSU Extension Publications,
PO Box 172040,
MSU,
Bozeman, MT 59717.
If you order 5 or more publications, send $2.95 for handling. In addition, a Principles of Parenting Kit is available for $10. It includes all the Principles of Parenting MontGuide fact sheets as well as interactive worksheets, plus a comprehensive resource guide, a StressDek stress-relief tool, and two publications on "Building Family Strengths."
To order, send $10 to the MSU Extension Publications address above. To order by credit card, call (406) 994-3273.